Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Dear all,
My first post on the blog! I've got great news to share! I just got my parents' consent to go for this trip tonight! It's amazing! Praise God! Thanks so much for all your prayers... It's really been a tough time for me because the struggle for a breakthrough was for 2 whole months! I was pretty sure I could not go but I brought up the issue one last time last night to my mom and this morning my dad actually said that if I really wanted to go that badly, they'd let me go! And he even offered to help me raise support! Praise God! Sorry for not keeping u guys posted on what has been happening in my life... Well the 3 week study break was quite burdensome with work to cover and fruitless talks with my parents about this issue which either left me upset or crying.... After my first meeting early March, it seemed to me the dates of meeting and everything seemed to clash so much with my schedule... I wondered if it was God's will to let me go... Thus, I had a talk with Peiyu about withdrawing and she challenged me to spend the next 3 days to seek God's will regarding this issue... Throughout the 3 days, I was certain God's call for me to go was there but still my parents did not allow it... I felt terrible then... I felt that God had abandoned me... some would have noticed my msn nick changed to 'eloi eloi lama sabachthani?' I was devastated then...
Furthermore, I was plagued with a sense of guilt for always being so stubborn in my decisions and never considering my parents' point of view... I felt selfish for always wanting things my way despite their displeasure... Somehow, I felt so conscious of how I had made them feel so hurt... Even when i agreed with them eventually to not go, I was time and again torn apart in trying to keep my faith and be obedient towards my parents... There were times when I just studied halfway and burst out crying because I felt so lost... Slowly, I slipped away from Him and stopped talking to Him... This issue became something i was so afraid to speak of in front of them... Somehow when church issues were put aside, we enjoyed talking to each other and I felt so blessed. The issue just sank deeper and deeper into the depths of my heart and I just didn't want to bring it up anymore... Even then, I knew it had a great impact on me... I grew farther and farther away from Him and I found that I just couldn't feel His presence in my life anymore... Coupled with the non christian company I had most of the time in school, I just didn't feel the need to go back to Him... Nevertheless, when i cried out last night after speaking to my mom, I told Him I couldn't go any further... I was reminded of the story of Elijah and how he just ran out of strength and couldn't carry on when he was in the desert and how God had given him rest... I prayed for rest (by that time it was 3am)... I had a short but good sleep and when my dad was fetching me this morning, he agreed to let me go...
By right, I would have expected an ecstatic self after hearing the news but I felt tired... emotionally and physically (because of the late night)... and so i took the aft off to sleep over the issue and spent the night at the fountain in pgp for an hour just thinking about it... I had made plans to go to Taiwan with a very close group of friends and had promised to train the TJC students in the biomedical quiz thinking that this trip was impossible... I struggled with a few issues and finally, I felt God telling me that all I needed was to trust in Him and allow Him to lead me one step at a time... So I went back to my room and confirmed with my parents that they will let me go and then I called Eliza and she told me the tix were not booked yet!! And even the rooms in PGP would be available during the camp for me! Praise God! He has indeed paved the way....
Please do keep me in prayer for my support raising... It's gonna be a big challenge but I know it is possible to do it for "I can do everything through him who gives me strength" phil4:13

Yep, and do keep me in prayer for my preparation for the trip as well... Currently, I'm just recovering from a spiritually low state due to various other issues in my life as well, so pls pray that I will keep close to Him and that the passion for Him will be once again ignited :)

Please also pray for a suitable airline and accomodation for all of us so that my parents will be more at ease and less worried...

Thanks once again for everything:) May the Lord your God be with you wherever you go Joshua 1:9

God bless!

1 Comments:

At 3:38 AM, Blogger Jo said...

wow! praise God! i was really really surprised and glad as i read ur post. thanks for sharing how it's been so openly!

yes, will keep those items in prayer.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home